hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
being pregnant is like rehab
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
