I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
