My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
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