A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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