I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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