There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
