Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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