HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
