I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
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I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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