ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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