but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
