Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
