it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
