My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
