did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
