i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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