also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
