yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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