Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
