The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize