To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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