Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
