So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
