You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
