I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
