i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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