we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
