You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
