Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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