Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
