She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
