I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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