why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
