in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
