Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
