your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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