Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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