I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Randomize
