just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
