you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
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He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
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10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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