sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
