He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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