i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
How naked do you want me to be?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
