There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
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