Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
