He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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