goodnight i made you a song goodbye
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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