I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
