my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
