Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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