I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I need to align my fucking chakras
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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