wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Randomize
