the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
you never un-have a 4some
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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