How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
