his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
