Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Randomize
