True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
