Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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