Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
