CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
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... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
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His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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