Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
