she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
