Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
