i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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