I showed him my bush... on skype.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
