I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
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he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
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This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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