PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
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