the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
