there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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