did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
