if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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